did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
