Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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