whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
