What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
