Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
