Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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