I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
