Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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