it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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