why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
