Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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