I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
