If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
