I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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