Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
