I feel great
I just peed on a car
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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