Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm too high and old for this...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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