i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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