Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
