you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
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She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
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Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize