I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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