girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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