You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
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