Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
