Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
