My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
