My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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