I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
