please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
