You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
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