So drunk, too bad you don't want this
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
