I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
