youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
