You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
be right there i have to get my cape
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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