his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
