I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
