As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
