i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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