As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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