I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
