And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
