Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Every concussion has its silver lining
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
