Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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