Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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