we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
