so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
