OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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