i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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