I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
