I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
