I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
