Have you finally orgasmed yet?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
