when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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