i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
