Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
