if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
