you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
zippers are such a cool invention
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize