I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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