We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
