I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
