Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
