she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
So squirting runs in the family.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
