yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
