Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
