my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
