Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
