I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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