You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
