just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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