My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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