If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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