dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
