Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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